1) can we talk about rap songs with explicit lyrics in the title/hook being played on the radio? that's kind of like walking into the louvre and seeing the venus de milo with a black stripe across her ta-tas. i mean, give me the whole spicy enchilada or give me nothing at all. "i love bad ____ that's my ____ problem, and yeah i like to ____ i got a ____ problem". you're just wasting my time, move it along.
2) cargo pants, will you please just commit seppuku already. we are done with you. anyone who thinks the benefit of extra recreational pockets outweighs the need to not wear ugly clothes has poorly assessed their priorities.
3) inefficiency is perhaps the most excruciating of all the silent killers. when i am trying to buy 4 rugelach from the canter's bakery at 3 am and your only job is to sell people baked goods from the bakery, can you find a way to, like, really shine at what you do? i appreciate the authenticity of your "old school" customer service style but, lady, i got places to be. even at 3 am.
4) although i disagree with the principle of it, i stick the knife in the peanut butter and then the jam (or in reverse order if i'm feelin extra loca) without cleaning the knife. then i just look into each of the jars like, "haha, you're a ruined woman now and no one else will want you".
5) i've tried a lot of chewing gum. this is the vice i allow myself and i'm the biggest sucker for POS displays ESPECIALLY IF SOMETHING IS ON SALE. apparently that 15 cent savings is the make-or-break for me and i'm incapable of missing out on such a minty-fresh value opportunity. but all of that is to say that i have experimented a lot (heyo!) and still keep going back to the good old orbit peppermint. i know what you're gonna say: it's the charm of the sassy blonde brit in the commercials. but, you guys, i am basing this on flavor, texture, and longevity and i take this ____ seriously. i'm _____ serious.
