if paella were a blog, it would look something like this

¡hola, mi gente! admittedly, my format here is ever-changing. today i bring to you fewer words (or so i thought until i looked at the whole thing and it's probably longer than ever--such is my curse), more photos, a little mish-mashed chronologically but, all in all, relatively legit. i am trying to maintain some communication consistency but, you know, things happen, yada yada yada, and i slack on the posting. bottom line is, i will bring you what i can, when i can. i hope it brings you joy. or pain. as long as i am making a difference in the world. your world.

what follows is a wrap-up of some events of the past few days.

when we left off it was saturday evening and i was headed to el corte ingles (department store/super amazing supermercado). it was starting to cool down, and by cool down i mean it went from 98F to about 89F. but hey, i'll take what i can get.

i walked down a major street that leads me there from neil & chrissy's and it is basically a mellowed out rodeo drive. every bourgie store you can imagine lines the road so it's a pretty glamorous walk--me in my vans and $5 sunglasses passing by the suited-up señoras covered in chanel and class. i get into the store and first check out the ladies' fashion but nothing is cool enough to warrant spending my precious funds or schlepping it on my back for two more months. over it! get me to the food, already.

i go downstairs to the expansive market and i am loving it right away. there are entire sections (consisting of several aisles) dedicated to things as specific as olive oil or chorizo. i decide to pretend i am rachel ray (but less annoying, i hope? please.) and go on a mission to find the most bang for my euro (FYI the exchange rate right now is around 1E = $1.40) first up, a package of fresh green figs for 2E, which is a score compared to how i've seen them priced elsewhere. then i head to the canned fish section (which is massive, obviously) and hunt down a small can of sardines to do homage to my mom who told me she survived on canned sardines and fresh tomatoes when she was here years ago. less than one E. then the meats. ohhh, the meats. i showed you the impressive meatcase the other day (and i know someone is tempted to throw a "that's what (s)he said" in here but i don't think it really works). that stuff can be pricey though. i learned from chrissy & neil that their favorite type of jamon (iberico) is especially expensive because the pigs are fed nothing but acorns. sounds lovely, but i'm looking for a cheaper option and, since my palate is not developed to the point of specific gastronomic preferences, i am down with poor man's ham.

i find what i will refer to as the "dollar bin"--a refrigerated case with nothing but cheap meats and treats. sliced chorizo for 1E, jamon curado for 1E, and then--BINGO--the motherlode. (side note: in confirming my spelling of "motherlode" i came to discover that "the term probably came from a literal translation of the spanish veta madre, a term common in old mexican mining." well, whattayaknow? thanks, wikipedia.) i had been craving cheese as i had not eaten it since arriving here and, apparently, need it for my survival. what i stumbled upon was a mixed nuts package, if you will. mostly non-spanish cheeses but i do not discriminate. as long as it's not americano i am happy as a berberecho (cockle aka salt-water mollusk). manchego to fill the spanish quota (and to make wonger happy, as it it his ultimate favorite), swiss, brie, bleu, and some mysterious orange cheese with a rind that i cannot identify but am pleased with. all of this was 5E. my mind: blown. one more item before my bounty is complete--bread. i walk over to the bakery where this young man stands behind the counter, ready to serve. i ask him all sorts of questions because a) he seems bored so i am doing him a favor and b) i have no idea what the bread names mean. i finally settle on a small baguette and he tells me there are fresh ones coming out of the oven right now. he hooks it up! half a euro and hot hot hot! i take my schwag to the checkout. my total comes to 10E and some change and i am feeling GOOD. and hungry. i get outside, find a bench outside louis vuitton or one of those such places, and have a little snack. my happiness overrides the fact that madrid's upper crust is watching me eat bread like a vagrant. the rest i take back to the house as a small offering for my hosts who, undoubtedly, have been craving cheese too (as any human should, i say). here are the goods (after being picked at, obviously):

that evening, neil took me to the aforementioned and much-hyped "pirates of the caribbean" restaurant. i didn't quite know what he meant by that until we got there. decor was on point--quite the thrown-together, lost-at-sea motif. the place is a pulperia or something to that effect, pulpo being octopus. yes, this is an establishment that puts all their eggs in an eight-tentacled basket. (no, not literally. jeez.) i cant be bothered to know what it's actually called but let me please share a few crucial details of the experience, via photographic evidence. bottom left: pulpo (odd); bottom right: roasted chilies (tasty).

and now, bottom left: an empty bowl; bottom right: a flaming bowl of alcohol and fruit being scooped by a woman with a ladle and a deathwish.

neil and i were sitting adjacent to the table on which they "perform" this ritual (whilst the sounds of a spanish witch are played through the speakers) and considering all the many ways this could go wrong. neil's favorite: a loon could grab the bowl and throw it on the seated patrons and we'd all be covered in third-degree burns. let me tell you this: it is almost worth a visit for the insanity of the whole spectacle, but not so sure if it's worth the pulpo. too bad i don't know the name so you can't go anyway.

on sunday, as i mentioned, madrid is a ghost town, even more so than the other days during august. i suppose some people are out worshipping their lord, but i took advantage of this excuse to be completely lazy, which i rarely do. but before i could become a sloth i had one voyage to take. i started off the morning rather early (after another night of quasinsomnia) with chrissy and we took the metro to the rastro which is an open air flea market of cheapo new goods and antiques alike that covers several curvy cobbly streets. we walked around and scoped out the wares, but didnt buy anything. here are a few examples of the antiques up for grabs and the surroundings:

then, in trend-spotting news, thanks to chrissy (aka vanna white in the photo below), i got a couple photo ops of what we are still seeking the ideal name for. i am thinking "poopy pants", "diaper jumper", or "saggy booty overalls". not a fan. take a look and feel free to make suggestions:

additional trending news: white is white hot. women are loca for white pants and dresses. i wonder if the prevalence of such has a positive impact on the the sales of detergent and bleach (and tampons? too far?)
a few snapshots to prove i have what it takes to be a paparazzo (if it ever comes to that):

also spotted: men with mullets and rat-tails. or a combo, which is pretty much business in the front, party in the back all night long until the break of dawn. i have not yet been able to snap a pic of this but i am working on it. patience, child.

once we returned from the rastro, we spent the rest of the day lounging since the whole city is laying low. we made a great lunch (duh, right?) of whole trouts cooked in rock salt, roasted asparagus & eggplant, papaya, and a fun little cocktail we created with vodka, fresh OJ, gaseosa, and grand marnier. oh, i also prepared some of my figs and bleu cheese with walnuts and honey for a little appeteaser. do this--it will make you happy.

take a peek at neil preparing the fish:

to pass the day, i watched the remainder of the first (and only) season of "party down", with which i am completely obsessed and distraught there is no more to watch. it aired on the starz network but i believe it is available on netflix ("watch instantly" option) for any of you interested. word on the street is that some of the "freaks and geeks" people are behind this show. it is genius. i love.

yesterday i spent much of the day walking through a new area of the neighborhood shopping for food and a few clothing items. some discoveries along the way:

supermarkets have an entire flan section:

proof of the absurdly cheap wine prices:

a leather jacket for 59E!? yes, real:

some scenery i like:

and lastly i'll leave you with some stained glass behind a bar that neil recognized as bearing a striking resemblance to larry david. agreed?

thanks for checking in, my friends. there is always more coming your way. if you can deal. ciao.