brush up your hush up

knowing when to hold 'em and knowing when to fold 'em. that's important stuff. especially for people like my brother. and lady gaga. but knowing when to bite your tongue and when to speak your mind is arguably just as critical. i can't tell you how many times my verbal dam has let some insipid comment through the sieve that really should have been detained by security and escorted out of the building, never to see the light of day. those of you who have seen "mean girls" might be thinking of the phrase "word vomit", spoken by the character portrayed by the latterly lesbian and larcenous lindsay lohan, but written by the beloved witty MILF tina fey.

obviously everyone has their own level of expressiveness. some choose to mostly observe, ponder, and speak rarely. others have more of a tendency to let it all flow. these people would be a nightmare for the FCC to censor on-air with a three-second delay. those of you who know me can pretty easily determine in which category i fall. and of course there are various points along the spectrum for each person's individual makeup.

logic would support that those falling into the former category are less likely to commit these crimes of spoken spew, though there are always exceptions.

but are those who let the cat out of the bag, spill the beans, put their foot in their mouth, etc. fueled by a subconscious need or desire to release those words into the wild, emancipate them to a life of freedom where they are on longer being confined to an existence of bondage and suppression? despite the fallout, there is an inherent relief that is yielded by the exposure of these taboo thoughts, faux pas, and the like.

so you hate your friend's boyfriend. yeah, convention would dictate that you keep that little tidbit under wraps, but one night you have a few too many sidecars and all of a sudden you are telling her that you think he is a pompous misogynist with bad teeth. sure, she may not want to speak to you for a while, but maybe she was starting to question how much she really liked him. your unfortunate and inebriated slip could propel her to take scissors to the paper heart of their relationship and cut a zig-zag right down the middle. could it be that your logorrhea set forth a series of occurrences destined to happen? or is that just you trying to justify your misstep?

bottom line is, we all do it. we screw up and spit out something we shouldn't. our brains are connected to our voices but we can't always get the memo from one to the other with enough speed and accuracy to prevent a colossal miscue. it's as if we are each employing an unreliable office assistant who sometimes is too hungover or busy doing her nails to run from the mind to the mouth and say, "no, mr. stanwick, don't say that to her! she's not pregnant, she's just fat." but the least we can do is utilize a self-imposed three-second delay and run our thoughts through the strainer before allowing the final product to pass through and reach the open world.

no one is without flaw so, at the end of the day, after employing the self-censor, the best we can hope for is that our tactless word vomit somehow transforms an otherwise "oops" moment into a gift that at first you don't like and want to return but, after sitting around on your dresser, you start to understand the purpose of and get used to.

and ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.